New Office Applications
Here are some applications that my colleagues want in the next version of Office:The "I'm checking in" Monitor designed to improve check in turnaround time. Whenever you flag a work item as "ready for check in", the check-in scheduler will have their music replaced by a continually looping wav file of the "I'm checking in" song that Homer sings while checking into the Betty Ford clinic. This irritating song will double in volume for every extra person waiting for a green light, thus forcing the check in scheduler to process the list more than once a week.
BossMonitor. A warning system for how close the boss is to your desk. The boss will have a GPS device planted on his clothing. As he wanders around the office, an icon in everyone's taskbar will turn orange if he's within a 5 metre range, and red if within 1 metre. This clever, self-preserving program will conveniently disappear from the taskbar if he is actually AT your desk, leaving the Boss none the wiser about its existence.
KitchenCam A webcam application that hurts people who surruptitiously leave their grotty, coffee-crusted mugs in the sink for others to clean up. Any individual caught in the act will be punished by a giant extendable arm with a hammer that whacks them over the head. The webcam will automatically analyse the image and intensify the strength of the hit based on an X-factor assigned to each individual (by me).
SpamKiller People who send more than 3 useless emails per week to the whole development mailing list will get creatively killed. It works in conjunction with a website that lets you register your frustration for every individual email sent. Those with the highest grievances get to suggest a new creative way of dealing with the spammer, and when someone's time is up, their punishment is randomly drawn from the pool.
posted by d @ 4:48 pm
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