fear of the unknown no longer
(n.b. backdated post from 30th June... sorry you kids on the feed, you'll be getting it out of order, but... yeah. :)I had a bit of a revelation about myself this week.
When I was younger, I used to love my comfy little world of predictability because I understood how it worked. I liked knowing how I was supposed to behave, what was expected of me. I didn't deal with change very well. Anytime I got dropped into a situation I didn't know, I clammed up, hid in my shell and generally had feelings of apprehension and nervousness. They mellowed a bit as I got older and was forced to deal with different situations, but it wasn't something I'd embrace.
Well, I like to think that I have changed. Coming to London and going through the job hunting, the flat hunting, organisation, budgeting, travelling... all of it has slowly opened my eyes to the fact that whatever the world throws at me, I am generally capable of handling it and I'll be OK by the end of the ride. Having to endure the huge amount of stress and change has altered my way of dealing with the world, and made me welcome what comes next in the general scheme of things. I feel more empowered, and capable, and confident of what I can do. Two years ago I hadn't even gone on my first european trip; now I can look at where I am and what I've gone through since then and it seems incredible to have done so much in such a short period of time. That was all less than two years ago; who knows where I'll be in two years' time? I have no idea where I will be, and I like that thought. I like the unpredictability of it all, and I love the fluidity of my life right now. Depsite feelings of uncertainty I've had in the past, it's like a switch has been flipped and it's something to be appreciated rather than apprehensive about. I honestly feel like Anything is Possible, and I will always appreciate London, and the friends that I have - both here and at home - for helping me realise it.
posted by d @ 9:15 pm
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